Oh, the hilarity

Yesterday I got a most unexpected email from a friend with whom I now only keep in touch via Myspace. Evocative of a summer long ago when I was 20 and silly, working an inbound telemarketing gig to pay for college, and clearly cultivating what can only be described as a stellar capacity for alliteration, here is what she wrote...

Monday, June 10, 2002

So I was cleaning out closets, etc. and found a tupperware tub full of stuff from high school and college. I was reading through my old diaries and well, remember when we worked the 4am shift at Convergys? I guess I brought my diary with me and you guys all wrote in it! Marshall, you, Andrea... it's HILAROUS! Here's what you wrote:
" The outlook is bleak; by the time you read this, we'll probably all be dead. Our pathetic call center has been overrun by deranged CEO's and psychotic stockholders who are blaming the implosion of Convergys on the ineptitude of us lowly sales consultants. Okay, so my conversion hasn't been so hot lately. Is that so heinous as to merit a death sentence?? I'm currently cowering in the corner beneath my cubicle. People are screaming. It's dark and I'm afraid. Oh no! The avenging angel of death, Mari Winsor is heading this way! She can eliminate me, but there will be others! Winsor Pilates is a ripoff! Tell the people!! Tell the..... "

I think the only thing I can say to that is "Wow. Who knew working a 4am shift at Convergys could be so comical?" Hooray for keeping journals and sharing the laughs.

Taking inventory...

For some bizarre reason, my thought processes have become much more punctuated lately. I've noticed that my experiences with the world around me tend to take the form of pithy little affirmations in my head. Is this a sign of growing clarity, maturity, and comfort with my surroundings, or is it symptomatic of early onset cerebral degeneration? The answer is probably yes. But here's where I'm at, and how I've been processing things...

At home:
I can't express how glad I am that the meth-cooking neighbors below us got evicted.
Seeing my poor, non-functional car sitting lonely in the parking lot makes me sad.
I really wish I could find a permanent solution to the guest bedroom mold issues...liking moving out.
I am thoroughly fed up with living in an apartment, especially this one.
Going on month two of the great cable tv strike, I'm surprisingly happy about its absence.
Acquiring "new" old episodes of the X-Files on dvd is the best thing ever.
I love the fact that we're finally breaking in "the other side" of the couch, so it doesn't look so lopsided.
Hearing our landline ring still weirds me out.


At work:
Sharing a cubicle...really?
Motions should format automatically.
Duplicate discovery drives me up a wall.
Case files should all come on CD, but evidently the legal profession can't manage to catch up to 1995.
Wearing a suit makes me feel like a grown up.
I dread seeing TPR parents in the courtroom.
Reading case files always gives me the irresistible urge to come home and go on a cleaning spree.
It's depressing that I only get paid a fraction of what my time is billed out for.
Fielding questions from the judge keeps me on my toes.
The gene pool is in dire need of a lifeguard.
State cars should all have GPS.
Serving petitions on inmates is not in my job description.


At church:
Being the lone female in the ward's law students club is sad.
The 10:30 block is inherently superior to the 8:30 block.
Sunday school teachers should all be trained on how to avoid teaching false doctrine.
If kids were in the cards, I never would have been called to teach a group of 11 4 year olds.


At school:
My undergraduate "paper theory" is more germane than ever in a law school setting.
I understand that the topics I don't understand at all are evidently the things I appear to understand the most.
Registering for classes makes me want to gouge my eyes out with my computer cables.
Tuition hikes are insane.
Student loan debt saps my will to live.
39 of 125 shocked the (fill in the blank) out of me.
One more year is one year too many.


In general:
It's lame that I get excited about having things like health insurance and a 401k.
30 is the new 20.
I am obsessed with the amazing sushi restaurant next to my office.
Oregon summers almost make it worth living here during the winter.
Blockbuster by mail was the best idea ever.
The 5 year plan is more than just obsessive compulsive rantings, it's a way of life.
Evening walks and "companionship inventory" are pretty much the highlight of my days.
Tabasco on pizza is glorious.
I minimize my carbon footprint by walking home from work, which makes me feel environmentally responsible.
If my car was functional, I'd probably be less environmentally responsible.
Moonstruck chocolates should not just be a seasonal thing.
26 is going to be a fantastic year.