Impulse buy FAIL

You may or may not have noticed that it has been eight months since my last post. My official stance is that nothing interesting has happened in that time frame, but the truth is that I'm just really, really lazy... and really quite busy. If you care, I'm sorry. But today, something blogworthy actually happened and I even had some spare time to sit around and commit it to print. Scott and I have recently been saving our pennies for a more respectable-sized television. After living for two years in an apartment that came with a 45 inch flatscreen, we recently moved and found it a little disappointing to go back to the modest 32 inch television we purchased as newlyweds. Today, in a perfect storm of awesomeness, we had a bit of a windfall at my job and we stumbled across an ad for a 50 inch plasma on sale for pretty much the exact amount of my recently-refunded bar dues for the last year. (Side note: Being a lawyer is crazy expensive) Thinking only of our amazingly good luck, we headed out on a mission: Assume ownership of said 50 inch plasma television. That was the easy part...well, except for the minor detail of our credit card being flagged for fraud because we've been using it to make lots of unusual purchases lately. Um, Christmas shopping anyone? When we finally made it out of the store with our treasure, we discovered that there are a great many things that do not fit in a Honda Civic, among them, a 50 inch plasma television. Despite our best efforts to adjust seat backs, shift around the television and cajole the car into being just a bit more accommodating, we were utterly unable to fit our impulse buy in our car. No fewer than 10 complete strangers commented on our predicament. My personal favorite was the guy who so helpfully chimed in with "That's not going to fit!" Do you think? Luckily, we are perfectly capable of finding humor in our own logistical ineptitude. But honestly, if you can't laugh at that, what can you laugh at? When we came to the realization that the television was not fitting in the car, no way, no how, we reevaluated our options. Fortunately for us, we have some really amazing friends who are exceptionally generous and kind and considerate...and happen to own an SUV. Special shout out to Kyle and especially Autumn for coming to our rescue. When we got home, we realized that our impulse buy would require some serious rearranging of our only recently assembled living room, but now that it's all set up and the big game is blazing in all its action (Seriously Sooners, this is just unacceptable), I think we can officially say that this is an impulse buy WIN!

It still smarts like it was four minutes ago

When I interviewed for my current job, the hiring partner asked me if I would be willing to take the Washington bar exam and emphasized to me that if I got the job, I would need to. This is because the majority of the firm's practice centers around litigation in the state of Washington. I think when we had this conversation six months ago, I must have said something idiotic, like "Sure, I'd love to take another bar exam!" After I got the job, the subject didn't come up again because new associates are generally expected to prove their worth with the firm for at least a year before the partners feel justified in footing the bill for an associate to take the Washington bar exam. For good reason, too. Evidently, with the lost productivity, wages, bar prep and other such fabulousness, the price tag for an associate to get licensed in Washington hovers around $40,000. Or so I was told. Today. When I was informed that a July 2011 bar exam might be in my future. Part of me is thinking it's pretty darn awesome that the partners are even considering having me take the bar at this point. It means they think I'm a decent enough lawyer to actually send out into the world; to handle the real courtroom aspects of litigation, rather than just the paperwork. And then there's the rest of me, the part that actually heard the words "bar exam." I've heard it said that time dulls even the most painful memories, but I found out first hand today that two years is not enough time to blunt the effect of that particular brand of trauma. I'm pretty sure there is not enough time in all of eternity to make me comfortable with the idea of sitting for another bar exam. Studying night and day for another bar exam. Turning into a horror show caricature of myself for another bar exam. As this conversation ensued in my office between me and one of the partners, he took a step back (presumably after seeing the unadulterated look of panic that surely swept over my face) and inadvertently bumped against the framed certificate that proclaims me a member of the Oregon State Bar. It nearly fell off the wall. I'm pretty sure that's a bad omen.

By any other name

I've been getting positive attention at work lately, which means more and more assignments are being deposited at my desk. I cannot lie; I love it. Of particular awesomeness is the fact that I'm getting to do a great deal of legal research and writing. I know, a lawyer, writing legal stuff. Mind blowing. But there is one tiny detail about this arrangement that bothers me. Or more accurately stated, there is one tiny detail about this arrangement that bothers my inner narcissist. I never get to put my name on my work. All the pleadings, advice letters, legislative analyses and case law synopses that come from my desk are signed by a partner. At some level, I suppose this makes sense. Big deal corporate clients really like to see a name they know and trust affixed to the bottom of a letter containing advice on how to manage their legal affairs. Preferably a name that is also on the wall in the lobby of our office, in big shiny letters. As a student, to me the best part about writing something amazing was putting my name on it and declaring to the world that the novel ideas on that paper had their genesis in my brain. But as a second year associate, I guess the ideas spilling from my brain are still considered a work in progress. I do find it exciting that established attorneys who have been successfully practicing law for longer than I have been alive trust me to come up with legal solutions that will ultimately go out to our clients and shape the way they do business. But this is one of those instances in which the practice of law is annoyingly idiosyncratic. I'm pretty sure in any other context, putting your name on something you did not write is more commonly referred to as plagiarism.

Broadcasting idiocy

In the line of duty, it is sometimes incumbent upon me to read letters from opposing counsel in which grandiose posturing is performed and threats are leveled. As a general rule, lawyers are pretty good with words. I can attest to the fact that this lawyer chooses every word with care because I've had it drilled into me that the subtlest of shifts in semantics can completely alter the meaning of what I'm trying to convey. And then there are lawyers like the guy whose words came across my desk recently and gave me the uncontrollable urge to cram a dangling participle down his throat. The letter contained a threat of penalties against my client...I think. The spelling and grammar were so atrocious that I could only guess at what he was trying to say. And when I thought I finally had it figured out, my annoyance was compounded by the fact that I found myself unable to draft a response that was not dripping with sarcasm. I had to assume that since the guy ostensibly made it through law school and passed the bar, he's probably no dummy. However, if you have something to say and you come to the conclusion that it is important enough to commit to writing, don't you think it might be a good idea to dust off those grade school grammar lessons and fire up your spell checker so you can avoid looking like a complete idiot to the person reading your words? And while I'm being a curmudgeon, can we expand that to all forms of written communication, not just legal blustering? Please and thank you.

And for my next trick, I will turn my face red

Today was such a long day at work. I spent the last hour working on a problem related to a third party lien and for the life of me, I could not make my numbers match up with the numbers of the settlement. The partner who had given me the assignment was on the phone, so I had to wait to ask him how he came up with the numbers he had given me. I waited...and waited...and waited. And still, the little red light on my phone indicated he was still chatting it up with some judge or client or other random person of more significance than myself. I finally decided to set aside that particular project for the moment and I started pulling documents from another file. From the corner of my eye, I saw the partner approaching my office. Without bothering to look up, I say in my usual, slightly too loud voice, "Are you finally finally finally off the phone? I've been waiting forever to talk to you about this lien. I can't figure out how you got the numbers you did and I need you to show me how you came up with these figures..." When I finally looked up, I saw that he was clutching the mouthpiece of his telephone headset and motioning for me to be quiet...because he was still very much on the phone. Ooooooh, I'm such a winner! In a move right out of the cheesiest cartoon, I stopped mid-sentence and clapped my hand over my mouth as my eyes popped out of my head like tennis balls. He had come to my office to get a file I was working on, and the person on the other end of the phone had been privy to my awesomeness. And let's face it, I am awesome. The attorney whose office is next door to mine saw the entire scene and was failing miserably at containing his laughter. Luckily, my boss saw the humor in the situation and we all had a good laugh about it after he finally finally finally did get off the phone.

If you have luck, take it, care for it...

Don't worry, this isn't another rant about how indignant I am about the recent disruption to my five year plan. I'm pretty sure I'm over it. Pretty sure. But yeah, with all the other stuff going on, it was most excellent to have the opportunity to spend an entire evening laughing myself silly. Brian Regan. Is there a funnier person on the planet? Probably not. For our fourth anniversary, I got us a pair of tickets to see Brian Regan when his tour came through Portland. And after several months of anticipation, the big show was last night. So worth it. I was first introduced to the comedy stylings of Mr. Regan while I was in college, during what was probably the very last summer of my life that was devoid of adult responsibilities. Good times had by all. Now I'll occasionally drop a "You too!" or "Take luck" in casual conversation to see if I'm speaking with someone who has an acceptable sense of humor. If they know what I'm talking about, a comical exchange will usually follow. If they don't, I just feel sorry for that person. Their life must be so bleak. So last night, we got to hear some of his new material, which was thoroughly entertaining. But I must say, the best was when, during his encore, he launched into the classic "little league" bit, after some not so subtle urging from the crowd. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prLLabn1vPA FREE SNOW CONE!!! Thank you for giving me something to look forward to. Thank you for making me laugh. And thank you for putting things in perspective. Life is pretty darn hilarious, even when things don't go according to plan.

Has to land on somebody

As I sit here pondering the latest turn of events in my life, a line from a movie comes to me. It's somewhat poetic that this dialogue from my favorite movie should come to me at a time like this, and be so utterly appropriate. "Bad luck?" "Yeah. It floats around. Has to land on somebody." What a succinct way of summing things up. It has to land on somebody. In the movie, this exchange occurs between two imprisoned murderers, one of whom was wrongly accused and convicted. The one responds to the other with incredulity that he would describe such a miscarriage of justice as mere "bad luck." My problems will likely never be on par with wrongful imprisonment for double homicide. But I suppose it was rather naive of me to think I would never be the person on whom bad luck happened to land. It's like that. Shapeless. Ephemeral. And utterly indiscriminate. Now that it has descended, I'm at a loss for what to do with it. I would really like to gloss over the first four stages of grief and get right to acceptance, but that is just not happening. When the news first broke, I fully indulged my denial. I used humor to deflect and cold analytical thinking to rationalize and reassure myself. Now I seem to be hung up on anger. Things like this happen to other people. We were doing everything right; how could this happen to us? And how dare you, fate? How dare you screw up my perfectly ordered existence like this? Part of me clings to the belief that things will be okay. Things always work out for the best, don't they? Everything happens for a reason, and all that? I guess we'll find out soon enough.

Moment over

Scott and I were on our way home from church this morning, discussing some weighty matters that are going on in our collective life at the moment. When I posed the rhetorical question, "What do we do?" Scott's response was, "Pray." After a pause, I rejoined with, "Just to make it today." Scott nodded slowly and said, "I was just thinking that, but I didn't say it because I figured it wasn't the right moment." "Oh," I said, "Don't worry, I said it for both of us." Somber moment over. Thank you, Hammer, for providing the soundtrack to today's important discussion.

Thursdays

Scott is back in school after a wonderful three week break in between semesters. It was a much needed reprieve. We put some of our awesome new Christmas gifts to good use (chocolate-filled ebelskivers, anyone?), watched tons of Daria and X-Files, and even assembled the second 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle of our marriage. Good times. But now that Scott has evening classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I find that my time is much less...shall we say, structured...on the nights where I have the house to myself. On a normal night, we both get home from work, have an actual sit down dinner together, catch up on the day's political news courtesy of Jon Stewart and then we hit the books (though only one of us gets to read for pleasure). With Scott in class at this very moment, my evening has instead looked something like this: I stayed late at the office because I was working on a massive project that didn't seem to notice or care when 5:00 rolled around. Besides, there was no one home to care what time I walked in the door. When I finally finished what I was working on, I came home,went for a run and played around on the WiiFit (which is my new favorite toy). When I was done winning virtual hula hoop competitions and mastering the Tree pose, I promptly cancelled out any caloric advantage I might have gained, by raiding the huge bowl of assorted Christmas candy that currently graces our dinner table. But as everyone knows chocolate is not a meal unto itself, so I balanced things out by chasing it with Tabasco-topped popcorn while perusing the latest gossip on Facebook. This is all proof positive that I need to come up with more productive ways to spend my unstructured time. Here are some of the ideas I've considered and decided merit further procrastination... um, I mean consideration: Read. Plan a trip. Study the big fat Spanish grammar book that I have sitting in my nightstand. Begin revisiting all the super fun topics that comprise the legal universe in preparation for my as yet unscheduled but not entirely distant date with the Washington bar exam. Additional suggestions are welcome. But at the top of my list right this second is: Eat chocolate. After all, Dove says chocolate loves unconditionally. And if my chocolate wrapper says it, it can't be wrong.

My most recent really big idea

I wish I'd had a camera handy to capture the look on Scott's face when I told him I want to take a sabbatical and spend a year globe-trotting. It was best described as a cross between amusement and complicity. To give a little context to this whole scenario, my idea was not completely out of the blue. I must confess, I just finished reading "Eat, Pray, Love," which is the third book I've read in the last four months that utterly romanticizes the notion of heading off into the unknown for an adventure abroad. I do love a good adventure, and what better place to have such an adventure than abroad? With each new destination I add to my list of places visited, the more compelled I feel to add even more to that list. For Scott and I, traveling has kind of become our thing. We toss all our spare pennies into the vacation fund coffers, and then each year we go out and blow the vacation fund in fine style. I've already mentioned how much I love to plan these vacations, and now that I've got it in my head that I want to spend a year traveling, I find myself wondering at the logistics of such an undertaking. Like how long will it take to save up enough money to ditch our lives for a year? What countries am I dying to visit? What countries would give us the biggest bang for the buck? I already know it won't be Italy, but I'd sure love to go back there anyway. When would we be able to actually pull off an undertaking of this magnitude? Obviously not now, because Scott is still in school. So that means we still have at least two more years to figure out the big stuff. By then, my loans will be paid off (how amazingly awesome is that? Eat it, law school!) and if we maintain the status quo, I could theoretically toss my entire salary into the humongous vacation/adventure fund. This could totally be doable. And taking a year off isn't really all that unreasonable, especially if you refer to it as a "sabbatical." Somehow that makes the whole idea sound just slightly less irresponsible. Maybe I can write a memoir chronicling this really big adventure and it will turn out to be a runaway success story/vehicle for early retirement...oh right, that's been done. But still, I think it would most definitely be a pretty awesome way to spend a year. Especially when the alternative involves being tethered to an office.