Shoulda put a ring on it.

I love being married, but apparently I'm the worst ever when it comes to remembering to wear the physical evidence of my matrimonial union.  Scott never misses an opportunity to comment on my inherent ability to dash out the door, sans wedding ring.  I always assure him that we're still married, even if I don't sport my bling.  It's not that I dislike my ring; I picked it out and it is a decidedly fabulous piece, but when I'm heading out to face the day, I'm usually focused on how late I'm running, rather than how complete my ensemble is.  Yesterday, I was out taking a walk during my lunch break and listening to an audiobook on my ipod, which is how I motivate myself to tolerate the rest of the workday.  As I was walking, I crossed the road at one point, to take advantage of the sunnier side of the street.  There was a random guy walking several yards ahead of me on the side of the street from which I had just crossed, and he also decided to cross the street shortly after I did, ending up again, several yards ahead of me.  Because I tend to walk pretty fast, I came up behind him, and moved over to the side of the sidewalk, preparing to pass and continue on my way.  I hate sharing the road/sidewalk/world with slow moving people.  But that is another story entirely.  As I passed Slow-moving-random-guy, he decided that would be a good time to strike up a conversation.  I missed the first part of what he said (because I had in earphones), but generally the polite thing to do when someone talks to you is not to ignore them entirely.  So I slightly slowed my pace and popped one earphone out.  The exchange went something like this...

Slow-moving-random-guy: "Out exercising in this 70 degree weather, huh?"

Me: "Oh yes,  I have to take advantage of the sunshine before it starts raining and doesn't stop until next June."

Slow-mowing-random-guy:  "So, I notice that you're quite attractive, and I was wondering if you'd like to go out for coffee sometime?"

Me: (Looks down at left hand, preparing to point to the ring finger that contains the physical evidence of the truth I am about to impart.  Cartoonish pause as I realize my ring is probably sitting on my nightstand, rather than gracing my finger.  Mentally thinking, Oh come on!  Really?) "Um, I'm married...(waves left hand that doesn't have a ring on it)  But thanks though."

At that point, I popped my earphones back in and nonchalantly started run/walking myself out of there.  First of all, what the what????  Second of all, who does that?  I'm fairly certain I was sending all the proper "do not disturb" signals.  Earphones, check.  Dark sunglasses to avoid direct eye contact, check.  Walking pace that no one can keep up with, check.  But apparently when it comes to avoiding awkwardly unexpected encounters that are best left to a club or online dating website, diamonds are a girl's best friend.            

Back on the proverbial track

Am I the worst blogger in the world, or what?  When I was in school, it seemed like there was always some sort of ridiculousness upon which to comment; some humorous anecdote to send out into the cyberspace void.  And then I graduated, got a big girl job (that I can't always blog about, even when blogworthy stuff happens), and suddenly my life devolved into the very predictable routine in which I currently find myself.  Does awesome stuff no longer happen when you officially make that transition into adulthoodland?  I have to believe that is not true.  In fact, a lot of awesome stuff has happened as of late.  It just seems I'm too lazy to bother committing it to print with any sort of regularity.  So here's a photographic rundown of life lately...

  

And of course the best news of all: Scott got a new job! It has been a long and trying year and a half, but of course things worked out just the way they were supposed to.  He'll be wrapping up his MBA in December, and we'll finally be done with school forever and ever amen. I finally feel like things are getting back on track for us, (after what seemed like a very long detour) and I couldn't be happier about that.  So here's to life, which just keeps getting better and better...even if I don't always find the time to blog about it!!

Don't forget the lyrics

At our house, a favorite pastime is singing loud and proud together to random songs at pretty much every opportune moment and some not so opportune moments.  Between the two of us, we add up to one awesome singer: I know the lyrics to just about every song, and Scott has a great singing voice.  Of course, the obvious flip side of that arrangement is the fact that I have a most unpleasant singing voice, and Scott knows the lyrics to a select handful of Linkin Park songs, and that's about it.  This morning while listening to some classic Oasis, Scott started to belt to "Wonderwall."  Such a great song.  But as the song continued, I noticed that Scott was keeping pace with every word.  Most uncharacteristic.  I was actually starting to be impressed...until...

Me: "Hey, you're reading the lyrics!  Cheater!"

Scott: "What?  As long as I serenade you, does it really matter how I do it?"

Hmmm.  I didn't have a good response for that.  I can't argue with a good serenading.  But if Pandora makes it possible for Scott to be the better singer AND know the words, what's a mediocre singer like me supposed to do with that???         

You've got mail

I don't usually write mushy love posts about how amazing my husband is, because that's not my style and I tend to roll my eyes when I see other people spout such drivel in their social media communications. It seems like a given that you love your spouse, and if you're always shouting it from the digital rooftops, it makes me think that perhaps you "protesteth too much," to borrow from my good friend Will Shakespeare. Anyway, I'm making an exception to my rule to share this little nugget of awesomeness that transpired at our house last week. I am seriously married to the most amazing man ever. Scott received a piece of mail from the Republican National Committee last week. That's right, a form letter from the desk of Reince Priebus himself. My darling spouse happens to be a registered Republican, while I myself happen to be aligned with the Dems. Not to worry, politics are not a sore spot in our relationship. Anyway, as we were standing in the kitchen sifting through the mail, Scott pulled out this letter from the RNC and proceeded to read it aloud. No small feat, since the letter was several pages long. As he read phrases like "nation in peril, "socialized medicine," and my personal favorite, "rescue our future from the Liberals," I felt my annoyance level tick upward. I could only shake my head at the proud reference to the 2010 midterm election that swept many new Republicans into office, but the convenient omission of the fact that Congress's current approval ratings are at an all time low. I was not surprised to see the RNC trolling for donations, but it slightly infuriated me to have that kind of extreme, untempered, fear-mongering right wing propaganda make its way in my home. As Scott neared the end of the lengthy diatribe about how our nation is going to hell in a handbasket because the liberals are ruining absolutely everything, I wondered what Scott's reaction would be. Though we find ourselves in differing political camps, we're both moderate enough that our views are pretty much the same on most issues. After finishing the letter, Scott let out a mirthless laugh and proceeded to tear the letter into pieces. I held out the return envelope, (which the RNC had presumptuously included for the collection of donations that would surely come rolling in in response to the inflammatory solicitation) and Scott dropped the shredded remains of the letter into it. I've always known I married an incredible man, but at that moment, it became readily apparent that my selection was pretty much the marital equivalent of winning the Powerball.

Cease and desist (and how to respond when a lawyer starts throwing out redundant statements)

This may be the best response to a legal threat that I've ever read. And I'm jealous that it never occurred to me to close my letters with "Word to yo mamma."

Score one for the good guys

The following account is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent...and for comedic purposes. As you may or may not know, we recently moved out of the apartment we called home for the last two years. The circumstances that precipitated the move involved a shockingly unreasonable rent hike and overall ridiculousness on the part of the apartment complex management. But we made the best of a less than ideal situation and we found a bigger, better place that is more suited to our current needs. More than anything, I was happy to be out of that particular complex, which we shall refer to as "The Worst Apartment Complex Ever." And how does one gain the distinction of being "The Worst Apartment Complex Ever?" By being like this and doing stuff like this:

Final account statement - Revised
Ledger Account at move-out
Portal ACH payment -- (47.00)
Balance at move-out (47.00)
* See the itemized charges for a complete listing of the work.

Deposit Activities
OSP ACH Deposit (350.00)
Total Deposits on hand (350.00)

Additional charges/credits/payments after move-out
Carpet Cleaning 65.00
Charges For Cleaning Needed 135.00
Drip Pan Replacement 16.00
Keys, (apt, mail, gym, pool) 55.00
Touch up paintq 135.00
Total additional charges / credits / payments 406.00

Final Account balance
Balance at move-out (47.00)
Total Deposits (350.00)
Refunded Amount
Total additional charges / credits / payments 406.00
Total account balance due 9.00
* See the itemized charges for a complete listing of the work.

Edited Final Account balance
Balance at move-out
Total Deposits
Original Refunded Amount
Total additional charges / credits / payments

Variance due or to be refunded
Original - balance due 9.00
Edited - balance due

FAS Prepared
Date 12/29/2011
User B., Amber


Lease information - Unit 15298C
Move-in 08/25/2009
Notice given 10/04/2011
Lease expires 11/17/2011
Move-out 11/23/2011
Move-out reason Lifestyle change for another reason
Lease information - Unit 15298C
Floor plan group
Cancel/Deny date
Lease expires 11/17/2011



Please remit payment within fifteen (15) days via worstapartmentcomplexever.com or mail to: Worst Apartment Complex Ever 15282 SW Worst Ever Blvd Beaverton, OR 97007 If the balance is not paid within 15 days your account will be sent to our collection agency, National Credit Systems, and you may contact them at 1-800-367-1050. They will proceed with collection action which may include credit bureau reporting and possible legal action. Interest will accrue on all outstanding balances at the maximum lawful rate.

Manager


To sum up so far: We paid a $350.00 security deposit when we moved in. When we moved out, our online account had $47.00 in rent that we had overpaid by mistake. According to this invoice, the management was not only keeping the rent we had overpaid, as well as our entire deposit, but they were charging us an additional 9 bucks. Now, if they had merely kept a portion of our deposit, I may not have felt the need to go on a rampage, but they didn't do that. Oh no. They kept all our deposit along with money that was not rightfully theirs, and they still wanted more. My sense of indignant outrage was rightfully kindled at this injustice. We tried a diplomatic approach at first, with Scott going in to speak with the property manager and request an explanation for the outlandish charges. When the property manager blew him off, it was time for drastic measures.

Enter: Pissed off former tenant who actually happens to know when a landlord is acting illegally.


Dear Ms. B.,

I am in receipt of the following final account statement from The Worst Apartment Complex Ever, which was sent via email to myself and my husband, SP, on December 29, 2011. The account statement detailed charges that were assessed against the security deposit we paid at the beginning of our residency in unit 15298 C at The Worst Apartment Complex Ever in August 2009. As you will note, our lease term ended on November 17, 2011, which is the date on which we vacated the unit and returned the keys to an The Worst Apartment Complex Ever agent, thus delivering the unit back to the landlord. The account statement erroneously lists our move out date as November 23, 2011. The final account statement was sent to us via email only on December 29, 2011, which is 41 calendar days from the day after we terminated our tenancy and delivered the unit to the landlord. Pursuant to Oregon law, a landlord is statutorily obligated to return a tenant’s security deposit within 31 days after the termination of the tenancy and the delivery of the rental unit to the landlord. ORS 90.300(11).

The Worst Apartment Complex Ever retained the entire balance of our $350.00 security deposit, based on the accounting statement below. Oregon law states that if a landlord retains any portion of a security deposit, he or she is required to notify the tenant in a written accounting, which must be delivered by personal delivery or first class mail to the tenant, within 31 days after the termination of the tenancy. The Worst Apartment Complex Ever was provided with our current mailing address, as indicated in the accounting statement. As noted above, the accounting statement was sent to us via email only, and was not received until 41 days after the termination of our tenancy. The Worst Apartment Complex Ever has violated the relevant statutes by failing to deliver the accounting statement within the requisite time frame and by the statutorily required manner of delivery.

In addition to its failure to comply with relevant landlord/tenant laws regarding notice and delivery of the final accounting statement, The Worst Apartment Complex Ever has unlawfully withheld a portion of our security deposit in violation of ORS 90.300 (5)(B). The statute states that a landlord can withhold a portion of the security deposit to repair damages to the premises caused by the tenant, not including ordinary wear and tear. We resided at The Worst Apartment Complex Ever for 2 years and 3 months. We had no pets in our apartment and no children. We cleaned the apartment thoroughly prior to vacating the premises. The premises was returned to the landlord in the same condition that existed at the time we took possession of the unit, with the exception of ordinary wear and tear. The Worst Apartment Complex Ever deducted $270.00 from our deposit for “touch up painting and cleaning charges.” Those charges were incurred to correct ordinary wear and tear, and were wrongfully withheld. Furthermore, Oregon law only permits costs assessed for repairs to be billed at a “reasonable hourly rate.” The accounting statement we received does not provide adequate detail as to the hourly rate assessed for the cleaning and painting performed. We do not dispute the amount that was withheld for carpet cleaning, a term noted in our original lease contract. Please provide receipts which detail the hourly rate assessed for the painting and cleaning that was performed.

In addition to the amount wrongfully withheld for repair of ordinary wear and tear, The Worst Apartment Complex Ever wrongfully withheld $55.00 from the deposit for “Keys (apartment, mail, gym, pool).” On November 17, 2011 at approximately 8:00 am, S.P. returned all of the aforementioned keys to an agent of The Worst Apartment Complex Ever. The leasing office was not open at the time he returned them, so he delivered possession of the keys to a Worst Apartment Complex Ever maintenance worker, who indicated he would deliver them to the leasing office.

The Worst Apartment Complex Ever has wrongfully withheld $325.00 from the $350.00 security deposit it received, in violation of ORS 90.300. Under the statute, the landlord has one year to settle the matter and repay the balance owed. If proper settlement is not reached, the tenant may file suit for up to twice the amount of money unlawfully retained. See Ellsworth v. Gladden, 36 Or.App.385 (1978) and ORS 90.300(15). Please remit payment immediately in the amount of $325.00 to SP and RWP. If payment is not received, we will file an action in state court to recover damages pursuant to ORS 90.300(15).

Thank you for your attention to this matter. Please contact me if you have any questions.



Whoa. To which The Worst Apartment Complex Ever responded with:

After reviewing your email, your final account statement has been revised. Your full deposit was submitted for payment to our corporate office today, the check will be cut within 2 business days.

Thank you,

Carolyn C.
Property Manager
Worst Apartment Complex Ever


And that is how the good guys win one.

Impulse buy FAIL

You may or may not have noticed that it has been eight months since my last post. My official stance is that nothing interesting has happened in that time frame, but the truth is that I'm just really, really lazy... and really quite busy. If you care, I'm sorry. But today, something blogworthy actually happened and I even had some spare time to sit around and commit it to print. Scott and I have recently been saving our pennies for a more respectable-sized television. After living for two years in an apartment that came with a 45 inch flatscreen, we recently moved and found it a little disappointing to go back to the modest 32 inch television we purchased as newlyweds. Today, in a perfect storm of awesomeness, we had a bit of a windfall at my job and we stumbled across an ad for a 50 inch plasma on sale for pretty much the exact amount of my recently-refunded bar dues for the last year. (Side note: Being a lawyer is crazy expensive) Thinking only of our amazingly good luck, we headed out on a mission: Assume ownership of said 50 inch plasma television. That was the easy part...well, except for the minor detail of our credit card being flagged for fraud because we've been using it to make lots of unusual purchases lately. Um, Christmas shopping anyone? When we finally made it out of the store with our treasure, we discovered that there are a great many things that do not fit in a Honda Civic, among them, a 50 inch plasma television. Despite our best efforts to adjust seat backs, shift around the television and cajole the car into being just a bit more accommodating, we were utterly unable to fit our impulse buy in our car. No fewer than 10 complete strangers commented on our predicament. My personal favorite was the guy who so helpfully chimed in with "That's not going to fit!" Do you think? Luckily, we are perfectly capable of finding humor in our own logistical ineptitude. But honestly, if you can't laugh at that, what can you laugh at? When we came to the realization that the television was not fitting in the car, no way, no how, we reevaluated our options. Fortunately for us, we have some really amazing friends who are exceptionally generous and kind and considerate...and happen to own an SUV. Special shout out to Kyle and especially Autumn for coming to our rescue. When we got home, we realized that our impulse buy would require some serious rearranging of our only recently assembled living room, but now that it's all set up and the big game is blazing in all its action (Seriously Sooners, this is just unacceptable), I think we can officially say that this is an impulse buy WIN!