All dressed up and nowhere to go

According to a recent article in the New York Times, between 80 and 92 percent of all cases settle. At our office, that statistic certainly holds true, but why do they always wait until the very morning of trial to roll over and die??? Don't they know they're killing my opportunities to be a lawyer?? My annoyance knows no bounds.

Do one thing every day that scares you

I'm a good 3 months removed from my very first court appearance. Every Monday I put on a suit, go into court, and represent the State of Oregon. It's a pretty sweet deal. It has solidified my stance that even though I loathe law school, I'm pretty sure I will love practicing law. Even when things go wrong and I'm shooting from the hip, and almost positive I look like an incompetent student, I'm almost never scared of being in the courtroom. That might not be the case tomorrow. I was recently approached by an attorney in our section who had decided I'd paid my dues as a clerk and that I should start becoming a lawyer. Sounds good to me. She informed me that I had earned the right to be her second chair at trial. Tomorrow I'll start out with my very own witness to question, and gradually work up to more and more, stacking up loads of all that great experience that looks so impressive on a resume. I'm excited, but this also scares me. Right now there are a million things going through my head, ranging from the reasonable (I've forgotten everything I ever learned in Evidence...what are all the exceptions to hearsay?!?) to the irrational (What if I screw up so bad the judge bans all clerks from sitting second chair from here on out? You laugh, but it's happened) to the downright ridiculous (Flats or heels? And if I wear heels, what if I stumble on the way back to my seat after offering up an exhibit?). In my experience handling prima facies, I've been hard pressed to screw up really bad because the process is so utterly non-threatening, plus there are no other attorneys from our office to see if I'm not getting things absolutely right. Tomorrow it's going to be another story entirely. I'm not sure if I'm more scared of looking like a moron in front of the judge and opposing counsel, or looking like a novice in front of the attorney who is taking a chance on me. Okay, it's definitely the latter. Here's to not screwing up.

Dreading the inevitable...for the last time.

If the best things in life are free, why bother working?

I ponder this question on a regular basis as I drag myself out of bed every morning and go do what I do to get a paycheck. I think the answer is that the worst things in life are painfully pricey. I recently celebrated the one year mark at my current position, which came with the requisite pay raise I'd been so desperately needing. Of course, given the fact that my money is only going two places, there is no joy in seeing those bigger numbers every two weeks. I continue to chip away at the student debt I married into. It's depressing, but nothing compared to what I'm getting us into, so I have zero room to complain. But my other major expense is my bar review course. I hope to have that little beast paid in full by the time I graduate because I really don't want to take out $3,000 more in student loans to pay for it. A bar review course, you ask? But aren't you spending $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 on law school? In theory, aren't you already being taught all you need to know about practicing law so you can pass the bar? The answer to that is a resounding NO, duh. I'm still working on figuring out exactly what it is they're teaching me for all the zillions of dollars I'm paying, but evidently, it's not enough to help me actually become licensed to practice. And only a moron attempts to take the bar without having previously taken some form of bar review course. A friend posted a link to two incredibly humorous/demoralizing articles in the Times, regarding this very insanity. I have to include the excerpts here.


"Why is it necessary to take an intensive (and expensive) review course immediately after completing three years of full-time legal education?
The answer is that the legal education provided by American law schools often leaves graduates with huge debts and little practical knowledge necessary to pass the various state bar exams. This both necessitates the bar review courses and makes them such a crucial aspect of the final phase of becoming a practicing attorney.
Here are a few excerpts from this summer's [bar review] lectures:
On the test's purpose: "What they are testing you on is your ability to memorize."
On choosing from among multiple-choice answers: "If you find yourself engaged in creative reasoning, stop. Remember where you are."
On corporate law: "Why we do this is not relevant for the bar exam. Whether we can do this is."
On the inclination of students to apply today's legal scholarship to traditional doctrines: "The people who write the bar exam are not into feminist jurisprudence."
On questions about a court's authority to hear a case: "The worst way of dealing with one of these questions is to attempt it mentally."
On freedom of religion: "The key to getting these questions right is to avoid thinking for yourself."
On property law: "You must avoid any analysis whatsoever. If you can think, don't." "

If I had to formulate this into a Mastercard ad, I think it would go something like this...
3 years of law school: $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000
The going rate for your dignity in a Contracts lecture: $20
Bar review course so you can actually become a lawyer: $3,000
Entering a field where the spoils go to those who are expressly advised to avoid thinking for themselves: Priceless.

Oh, the hilarity

Yesterday I got a most unexpected email from a friend with whom I now only keep in touch via Myspace. Evocative of a summer long ago when I was 20 and silly, working an inbound telemarketing gig to pay for college, and clearly cultivating what can only be described as a stellar capacity for alliteration, here is what she wrote...

Monday, June 10, 2002

So I was cleaning out closets, etc. and found a tupperware tub full of stuff from high school and college. I was reading through my old diaries and well, remember when we worked the 4am shift at Convergys? I guess I brought my diary with me and you guys all wrote in it! Marshall, you, Andrea... it's HILAROUS! Here's what you wrote:
" The outlook is bleak; by the time you read this, we'll probably all be dead. Our pathetic call center has been overrun by deranged CEO's and psychotic stockholders who are blaming the implosion of Convergys on the ineptitude of us lowly sales consultants. Okay, so my conversion hasn't been so hot lately. Is that so heinous as to merit a death sentence?? I'm currently cowering in the corner beneath my cubicle. People are screaming. It's dark and I'm afraid. Oh no! The avenging angel of death, Mari Winsor is heading this way! She can eliminate me, but there will be others! Winsor Pilates is a ripoff! Tell the people!! Tell the..... "

I think the only thing I can say to that is "Wow. Who knew working a 4am shift at Convergys could be so comical?" Hooray for keeping journals and sharing the laughs.

Taking inventory...

For some bizarre reason, my thought processes have become much more punctuated lately. I've noticed that my experiences with the world around me tend to take the form of pithy little affirmations in my head. Is this a sign of growing clarity, maturity, and comfort with my surroundings, or is it symptomatic of early onset cerebral degeneration? The answer is probably yes. But here's where I'm at, and how I've been processing things...

At home:
I can't express how glad I am that the meth-cooking neighbors below us got evicted.
Seeing my poor, non-functional car sitting lonely in the parking lot makes me sad.
I really wish I could find a permanent solution to the guest bedroom mold issues...liking moving out.
I am thoroughly fed up with living in an apartment, especially this one.
Going on month two of the great cable tv strike, I'm surprisingly happy about its absence.
Acquiring "new" old episodes of the X-Files on dvd is the best thing ever.
I love the fact that we're finally breaking in "the other side" of the couch, so it doesn't look so lopsided.
Hearing our landline ring still weirds me out.


At work:
Sharing a cubicle...really?
Motions should format automatically.
Duplicate discovery drives me up a wall.
Case files should all come on CD, but evidently the legal profession can't manage to catch up to 1995.
Wearing a suit makes me feel like a grown up.
I dread seeing TPR parents in the courtroom.
Reading case files always gives me the irresistible urge to come home and go on a cleaning spree.
It's depressing that I only get paid a fraction of what my time is billed out for.
Fielding questions from the judge keeps me on my toes.
The gene pool is in dire need of a lifeguard.
State cars should all have GPS.
Serving petitions on inmates is not in my job description.


At church:
Being the lone female in the ward's law students club is sad.
The 10:30 block is inherently superior to the 8:30 block.
Sunday school teachers should all be trained on how to avoid teaching false doctrine.
If kids were in the cards, I never would have been called to teach a group of 11 4 year olds.


At school:
My undergraduate "paper theory" is more germane than ever in a law school setting.
I understand that the topics I don't understand at all are evidently the things I appear to understand the most.
Registering for classes makes me want to gouge my eyes out with my computer cables.
Tuition hikes are insane.
Student loan debt saps my will to live.
39 of 125 shocked the (fill in the blank) out of me.
One more year is one year too many.


In general:
It's lame that I get excited about having things like health insurance and a 401k.
30 is the new 20.
I am obsessed with the amazing sushi restaurant next to my office.
Oregon summers almost make it worth living here during the winter.
Blockbuster by mail was the best idea ever.
The 5 year plan is more than just obsessive compulsive rantings, it's a way of life.
Evening walks and "companionship inventory" are pretty much the highlight of my days.
Tabasco on pizza is glorious.
I minimize my carbon footprint by walking home from work, which makes me feel environmentally responsible.
If my car was functional, I'd probably be less environmentally responsible.
Moonstruck chocolates should not just be a seasonal thing.
26 is going to be a fantastic year.

Summer loafing...

With all the free time that accompanies a hiatus from school, you would think that I would have loads of time to maintain my blog. I'm pretty sure the only excuse I have for the lack of updates is that I am a slacker. I can live with that. Wow, so it's been a little over a month since I put my sweatpants back in my closet, and I have to say summer is treating me quite nicely. I took a few days off between the end of finals and going back to work full time, which was perfect for staying in my pajamas and...reading. I know what you're thinking. I do. "But Becca, you just spent the last semester reading everyday until your eyeballs bled, so what's so why not find something else to do with that precious free time you had?" I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing, but reading fiction and reading cases is akin to drawing a comparison between a leisure walk and a death march. It's a stretch. So thanks, Lyndsey, for the loaner. In keeping with the abysmal state of the economy, Scott and I decided to get our literary fixes the cheap and easy way by finally getting library cards. I'm nerdily psyched about it and must say, my first library check-out, "The Assault on Reason" was thought-provoking.
And then it was back to work. I have to say, the first few days of babysitting new clerks was more fun than it should have been...mostly because I got to sound like I knew what I was talking about. It continues to be fun because I now get to hand off the more distasteful assignments to them, while I focus on preparing for and making court appearances. Which is awesome. Now that I'm actually able to get out of the office and into a courtroom, I'm beginning to think I might really want to be a lawyer. Amazing how that works. Add to my newfound sense of purpose at work a generous pay raise and life is good.
But you know how life can be better? By throwing in a vacation. Yay vacation! Scott and I took a weeklong roadtrip down to San Diego and back, and it was loads of fun. We visited old friends, relatives, warm beaches, and roller coaster nirvana: Magic Mountain. Have I ever mentioned how much I love roller coasters? It's a whole lot. We were sure to hit every single coaster in the park, and it was fantastic. Definitely the highlight of the trip. Other highlights included getting wonderfully lost on the way to the beach at Santa Monica, having a film crew set up shop right next to us on said beach, visiting the Newport Beach temple, nearly dying on multiple occasions at the hands of insane drivers, and the monsoon we encountered at the San Diego Wild Animal Park. I thought we left Oregon to escape the rain. Seriously though. But it was such a wonderful week! Road trips are always fun adventures.
Upon returning to good old Salem, I was delighted to find that grades had been released, yes an entire month to the day of my last exam, and the consensus is that perhaps I don't suck as much as the actual exams would have me believe. Highest law school GPA yet. That's always a good feeling. Just two more semesters to go. I've developed a daily habit of browsing potential job opportunities and daydreaming of the not too distant future when my sense of self worth is no longer tethered to a grade point average, which is probably more as a testament to my severe and early onset senioritis than desire to join the real workforce, but I find it to be a powerful motivator for those times when I start to recoil at the thought of going back to school. And that's the long and short of it.
Yes, all is well and right with the world when summer vacation is in full swing. I'll try to update more regularly, but no promises. After all, I'm on vacation!